Every horse and rider has their weak link. I find mine to be the show jump. I have 'Oxer-itis' Jimmy Wofford told me.
It's a fairly irrational fear. I am a capable rider. Elliot is a phenomenal jumper. His front end is tight and his back end is as good if not better. Plus, he wants to play. I don't have to worry about him quitting and when i get there wrong (oh so wrong), he's there to save the day.
So what's the deal?
You'd think I'd be scared of galloping on down to some of those massive table on cross country. I suppose those make me nervous too, but I don't choke. I can channel the nerves to my advantage. The technical questions on cross country don't bother me. Off a drop to a skinny, down a slide to a skinny, angled tables? Fine. Of course everyone gets nerves, but I feel in my gut that I can get the job done.
SJ course? Panic. Forget how to ride.
But as my father likes to remind me, there is no should have, would have, or could have in eventing. I didn't get the job done. Period.
I've had this phobia for a very long time. I think this is part of the reason why it seems to be getting worse. It's very deeply ingrained in my mind. I've gotten myself to the point that sometimes I even forget my courses! I've fell off twice in show jump arena last year, for not better reason than I was picking to the fence due to nerves! Ridiculous.
The first horse I ran preliminary was a cross country machine. We ran fast and clean at the preliminaries we did, which wasn't many. We struggled in the show jump arena. At my first preliminary, I had two run out going into the triple. This was back in the day that stops were 10 points each. I racked up something like 40 jump penalties that round, plus time. My second preliminary was at Groton House Farm, and I was so excited because I was in 4th after the cross county. I went into the show jump and had so many rails down. Stephie Baer, who I was not riding with at the time but vaguely knew, was next to go in and all she could do was give me a knowing smile. I was gutted. My third preliminary, I promptly got eliminated in the show jump. I did not even get to run cross country.
I think that's where it all started. It wasn't because of the horse. Prince was wonderfully special, and I owe a lot to him. I was green and didn't really know what I was doing and I got scared. A seed of doubt got planted in my head. It has been festering and growing ever since. Now I have a little garden of doubt.
Later when I was working with Stephie she said my brain was my worse enemy. When things started to fall apart in the arena, I never recovered. I don't leave the mistake behind. I dwell on it.
There are multiple real reasons show jumping makes me more nervous than cross country. Horses can get tangled up in the poles, whereas they can put a foot down on a solid cross country fence. Everyone sees everything in the show jump arena; they see all the mistakes, and I know people talk. Also those rails come down so easily. You cannot win the event in the show jump, but you can sure lose it!
Are these the reasons warming up for show jump my palms sweat and I feel weak in the knees? I'm not sure.
And the really important question, how do I fix it?
I don't really know the answer to that either. I have certainly gotten better. I am starting to ride individual jumps not the whole course at once. I set reasonable goals for myself, like two rails down versus a perfect clean round. Each time I reach one of those goals, I can set a new reasonable goal. I follow Jimmy Wofford's advice: 'I am not going to see the spot more than three strides out for now so just wait for it'.
This summer while we are up north, I hope I can drill the show jumping. Jump some big courses in a new places. Learn to get my head completely in the game and the negative thoughts out. I'm tired of losing the event in the show jumping! My horses are wonderful and they deserve to win. I think I do too!
It's a fairly irrational fear. I am a capable rider. Elliot is a phenomenal jumper. His front end is tight and his back end is as good if not better. Plus, he wants to play. I don't have to worry about him quitting and when i get there wrong (oh so wrong), he's there to save the day.
So what's the deal?
You'd think I'd be scared of galloping on down to some of those massive table on cross country. I suppose those make me nervous too, but I don't choke. I can channel the nerves to my advantage. The technical questions on cross country don't bother me. Off a drop to a skinny, down a slide to a skinny, angled tables? Fine. Of course everyone gets nerves, but I feel in my gut that I can get the job done.
SJ course? Panic. Forget how to ride.
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But as my father likes to remind me, there is no should have, would have, or could have in eventing. I didn't get the job done. Period.
I've had this phobia for a very long time. I think this is part of the reason why it seems to be getting worse. It's very deeply ingrained in my mind. I've gotten myself to the point that sometimes I even forget my courses! I've fell off twice in show jump arena last year, for not better reason than I was picking to the fence due to nerves! Ridiculous.
The first horse I ran preliminary was a cross country machine. We ran fast and clean at the preliminaries we did, which wasn't many. We struggled in the show jump arena. At my first preliminary, I had two run out going into the triple. This was back in the day that stops were 10 points each. I racked up something like 40 jump penalties that round, plus time. My second preliminary was at Groton House Farm, and I was so excited because I was in 4th after the cross county. I went into the show jump and had so many rails down. Stephie Baer, who I was not riding with at the time but vaguely knew, was next to go in and all she could do was give me a knowing smile. I was gutted. My third preliminary, I promptly got eliminated in the show jump. I did not even get to run cross country.
I think that's where it all started. It wasn't because of the horse. Prince was wonderfully special, and I owe a lot to him. I was green and didn't really know what I was doing and I got scared. A seed of doubt got planted in my head. It has been festering and growing ever since. Now I have a little garden of doubt.
Later when I was working with Stephie she said my brain was my worse enemy. When things started to fall apart in the arena, I never recovered. I don't leave the mistake behind. I dwell on it.
There are multiple real reasons show jumping makes me more nervous than cross country. Horses can get tangled up in the poles, whereas they can put a foot down on a solid cross country fence. Everyone sees everything in the show jump arena; they see all the mistakes, and I know people talk. Also those rails come down so easily. You cannot win the event in the show jump, but you can sure lose it!
Are these the reasons warming up for show jump my palms sweat and I feel weak in the knees? I'm not sure.
And the really important question, how do I fix it?
I don't really know the answer to that either. I have certainly gotten better. I am starting to ride individual jumps not the whole course at once. I set reasonable goals for myself, like two rails down versus a perfect clean round. Each time I reach one of those goals, I can set a new reasonable goal. I follow Jimmy Wofford's advice: 'I am not going to see the spot more than three strides out for now so just wait for it'.
This summer while we are up north, I hope I can drill the show jumping. Jump some big courses in a new places. Learn to get my head completely in the game and the negative thoughts out. I'm tired of losing the event in the show jumping! My horses are wonderful and they deserve to win. I think I do too!
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